Shalun's account

Shalun Wolverines versus Tyrracore Radicals at Thornrock Arena, Sphere F337, Tyrracore

The Shalun Wolverines lost yet again in their latest bid for a single seasonal victory, with the Tyrracore Radicals laying the smack down in a final score of 4 to 2.

Team Captain Haakon “Captain Blood” Blutvargr, recently placed on the injured list due to a gunshot wound to the face (apparently gained through what he termed “a romantic faux pas”) served as the team’s High Warlord for the match, as goalie and Marshal-General of Shalun Margrave Rune Sunaj is still scouring the countryside for what he terms “a decent goddamn defensive line.” While recruitments efforts at Our Lord of the Divine Abbatoir University seem promising, the lack of Shalun’s two strongest players proved too great for Shalun to get out of their miserable losing streak.

Replacing Blutvargr as Center for the match was second stringer Golgol Mjolnir, whose conservative game was capitalized upon by the more daring Radicals. Left Wing High Priest Indomitable XIX set himself ablaze again, effectively taking himself out of the first period when he was not allowed to replace a stick with the striking end burnt completely off. Right Wing Per Knaak did his best to make things happen, but with no offensive support, the entire first half went goalless for Shalun.

The classic Shalunese antics were still present in the defense, however, with Arne “Berserker” Tordenstem initiating a brawl early in the match that resulted in one of the Radicals’ wings losing a finger (which officials claim Tordenstem actually ate; x-rays are inconclusive). Despite this, Tordenstem continued to play the half, continuing his brutal assault on the Tyrracore offense while counterpart Magnus Erikson fell for every stupid offensive trick in the book. Second-string goalie Thurl Raalfs was unfortunately not up to the task of defending against Tyrracore’s relentless inside game, allowing a hat trick from the Tyrracore line despite a lifetime best performance by Tordenstem, who became the first player in Arctic Circle history to use another team member as a weapon at the close of the second period when he lifted Magnus Erikson over his head and threw him at the Radicals’ center.

The second half showed changes in the Shalun line-up, with the ineffective Erikson and exhausted Tordenstem replaced by Ymir Ymirson and rookie Dane Nidhogg. Roneth Storhoi subbed in for the High Priest, and Odin “Double Dog” Garm-Fenris replaced the useless Mjolnir rather than Knaak to try for a second half switch-up. The offense was fierce despite the lack of Blutvargr, with Garm-Fenris pulling off an outstanding double deke for the first Shalun goal of the game. An earth-shaking body check from the massive Storhoi broke both clavicles of one of the Tyrracore defensemen, allowing Per Knaak to score Shalun’s second goal and creating a tight race for the win. No one could count the Radicals out, however, and another goal was scored against Shalun when goalie Raalfs was caught napping, sealing the Wolverines’ fate for the evening and ending the game 4-2.

Team Captain Blutvargr had this to say for the Shalun defeat: “We’re only going to come back stronger. Next game, both the Margrave and I will be back in action, and maybe one or two of the new blood. Mark me, Shalun will not continue losing for the season.”